A Toddler Bedtime Routine Your Kid Will Love and Help Them Go Down For Sleep Peacefully
When the end of the day is approaching, there is nothing more frustrating than having a toddler that does not want to go to sleep.
We all want to go to bed peacefully. But when bedtime becomes a constant battle, it is not something that the family is looking forward to—neither the parents nor their kids.
Why Do Toddlers Fight Bedtime?
Yes, healthy sleep habits are important. But much more is going on during the toddler phase (I am referring to the ages 18 months to 3 years) that can lead to a difficult bedtime.
Your little one starts to speak, they understand that they are their own individual being, they gain more confidence in decision making but also can hit a phase of separation anxiety.
All these factors can lead to a bedtime battle between you and your toddler. They don't want to go to sleep and ultimately separate from their caregiver. They also develop the fear of missing out on something exciting, especially with you. Although we parents all know nothing exciting happens after the kids go to bed.
Most times, the whole family is not going to bed together, and kids sense that. This makes it harder for them to understand why they have to go to bed while you can stay up. One time I was in bed with my girl, and I told her I was really tired and wanted to sleep. She only replied: "But mommy, I know you are not going to sleep now."
The Best Bedtime Routine For A Toddler That Fights Sleep
Creating a consistent bedtime routine is a must if you want to avoid bedtime battles. A nice routine will help your toddler calm down and set them up for a good night's sleep. And...toddlers will love a routine if you do it right, even if they don't like to go to bed itself.
If you have set up the right activities for your child, getting them to lay down in their bed will be much easier.
The Elements Of A Bedtime Routine Your Toddler Will Love
A bedtime routine for a toddler does differ in some ways from a bedtime routine with a baby. You know with a baby, you will sometimes be more, meh...if you know what I mean...
We probably all skipped a few pages of the book because we were too tired. And our little peanut did not even notice. YAY!
But with toddlers, it is different. They need more attention and one-on-one time during their routine. Sometimes my girl just suspects me of skipping pages from her book, so she double-checks the pages. :)
Here are essential things to consider during your routine:
1. Take Enough Time
A good bedtime routine with a toddler takes time and is much more time-consuming than a baby bedtime routine. Personally, I feel like the whole evening is a bedtime routine.
I mean, sometimes with a baby, it was like 20 minutes with bathing, changing the diaper, putting pj's on. 20 minutes with a toddler? No chance.
Instead of thinking about a routine that should take 20 or 30 minutes, think of your whole evening, starting from dinner to bedtime, as a whole ritual. Don't obsess too much about the time factor.
Honestly, it does not matter if your child sleeps at 8:00 PM or 8:10 PM. Constantly watching the clock will make everything just too stressful.
2. Do Things Together
I am sorry to say, but just telling your child what to do, like "go brush your teeth" or handing over the pajamas so they can change by themselves, will probably not work.
I know that evenings can be busy, but the more attention you give throughout the evening, the easier it will be for your child to separate from you.
You don't have to be with them every second of the evening, but make sure you are involved in the typical getting-ready tasks such as brushing teeth and getting dressed.
3. Direct But Also Give Them Control
At this age, children need to have a sense of control to feel confident, and there are many ways you can include them during bedtime.
Ask them what they want to do: brush their teeth or comb their hair. Let them choose a book to read. Let them turn off the light. You can also give them a sense of control if you offer them to play another round of a game before they get ready for bed. All these things will give them a confidence boost and fill their emotional cup.
You can assert what needs to be done but still give them the opportunity to choose between options.
4. Do Some Roughhousing
Roughhousing is not very popular with sleep training experts. But did you know that roughhousing can promote better sleep for many children? I know it is widely spread to keep a calm and relaxing environment during the evening. And it's true.
But rough play at the right time before bed can have many positive effects on your child's sleep.
Rough play can help your child release stress and energy before bed. It is also a great way to connect with your child before bed. Every day we have some rough play on our big bed, and my children absolutely love love love it. We do it at least 40 minutes before bedtime, so they have enough time to calm down again.
5. Be Patient And Don't Stress Or Rush
If you want to go things slower, then the only thing you have to do with kids is to signal them that you are in a rush. That's how they work. They will do the exact opposite. They will stall you and drag you with sweet chatter.
Whenever a parent is stressed, it will automatically project on a child. Remember, it is normal if your kid tries to delay bedtime or stalls. They are kids!
Don't overreact and always try to stay calm but firm. If, for example, they still don't go to the bathroom after asking them a couple of times, get up, offer your hand and go with them. Yes, they should learn to do certain things if you ask them, but they are also still very young. It's normal that they still need reminders at his age.
6. Avoid Screen Time
You really want to avoid screen time the last two hours before going to bed. The light emitted from screens delay the release of melatonin, an important sleep hormone. Studies show that screen time before bed can cause several sleep issues. Children have a harder time falling asleep or have disrupted nighttime sleep.
But banning screen time not only goes for your child but also for you.
Don't spend your evening on your smartphone. Not only will your children not understand the hypocrisy in telling them that it's not ok to have screen time in the evening while you can (please don't bring up the "I am an adult"-argument).
Ditching the phone and instead fully concentrating on your child and your family should be your goal. Because the truth is that you will be emotionally detached from your child when you are on your phone, even when you are physically there.
7. Always Finish Off With A Book
A bedtime story is a wonderful day to finish the day. Reading is not only an important life skill that you can inhibit in your child from a very young age. It is also a great way to bond with your child, teach them new words, increase their imagination skills, and lower their stress levels.
We always love to read our books together on the mattress in the kid's room or our big bed. For a while, we used to read to the kids while they were lying in their beds, but for us, something was missing. We like to have them cuddled up to us, and they really enjoy it, too. However, it is obviously different from family to family. You should do what works best for you.
Just make sure you do not skip the book!
Example Of A Complete Evening Routine
6:00 PM: Have Dinner Together. Chat about your day. Try to engage your child in a conversation but don't force it.
6:30 PM: Dinner is done. Ask your child to bring back their plate to the kitchen and play for a bit by themselves until the table is cleared. Don't spend half an hour cleaning up. Instead, leave it there and attend to it later, or divide and conquer between kids and kitchen if your partner is at home, too.
6:45 PM: Have a bath for 15-20 minutes. You can stay with your child and, for example, use the time for your skincare routine. Or just talk with your kid. My little girl was chattiest when she was bathing.
Also, bath time is not necessary every evening. A good clean-up at the end of the day is often enough.
7:00 PM: Put on pajamas and do some rough play for 10-15 minutes. On warm days, wait with the pajamas and let them play in their diaper or underwear. Kids love that.
7:15 PM: Slowly calm down your kids by offering another calm activity. But first, put on pajamas.
7:40 PM: Brush teeth and do everything else you need to to get ready for sleep (e.g., extra diaper change or going to the potty).
7:50 PM: Choose a book and read together in bed. Have your kid close by your side or in your lap. View it as the last opportunity to bond with your child and a nice finish for the day.
~8:00/8:15 PM: Turn off or dim the lights.
Sometimes It's The Parents That Start The Battle
The harsh truth is that sometimes it is us parents that initiate the bedtime battles. And I was guilty of this, too.
Sometimes all we are focused on is the clock and when our children will finally go to bed.
Sometimes we are on our phones when we suddenly realize we have to get the kids ready for bed.
Sometimes we already expect our children to fight bedtime that we make it our reality even if they are only stalling a little bit.
Sometimes we don't accept that our children are not ready for bed at the exact same time every day because, you know... the sleep schedule.
I know that in the evening, after a long day, patience gets thin. But I guarantee you that once you start to invest in a real family evening, your kids will go down to sleep much easier.
