Does your baby have trouble falling back asleep after feedings at night, and it's just full-on zombie mode night after night? Let's find out why your baby cannot fall back to sleep and what you can do to change this!
Nighttime parenting is hard! There is no doubt about it. But it gets much harder if you have to spend 30-45 minutes resetting your baby after a feed.
Most babies go back to sleep after a feeding because the combination of milk and sucking is the recipe for sleep. Well, so you would think.
Some parents are blessed with high-need babies that also need a lot of comfort and closeness after a night feeding. Those babies prefer you over sleep! But it can take a real toll on already sleep-deprived parents.
In this article, I will show you the possible causes of why your baby has trouble falling back to sleep and great solutions and tips to get them back to sleep in no time.
This article covers:
Too Much Stimulation During Nighttime Feeding
When it comes to baby sleep, the right environment is just key! Some babies are already very sensitive to stimulations. My second baby was like that. If a car passed by during a night feeding, the light would make his eyes pop, and he was wide awake. And I would curse this car driver for eternity for driving his car instead of sleeping when they actually had the chance, unlike me.
So you should always make sure to avoid any unnecessary stimulation during the night feed. I am not talking about avoiding eye contact because I personally feel that this advice is BS.
But I am talking about keeping it dark. Avoid turning on any light unless necessary. Don't engage in too much baby talk, and definitely avoid questions like "why aren't you sleeping?!" I promise you, your baby won't answer. I have tried.
Have everything in place, so you don't wake your baby by searching for diapers, baby wipes, or chocolate bars. You can use a white noise machine to block out any outside noises. At night a low volume is already enough. If you are using a swaddle or sleeping bag, don't unswaddle them or take them out of the sleeping bag unless necessary.
And most importantly, install some high-quality black-out curtains, so you don't have to curse the next car driver.
Diaper Changes
Newborn babies have to get their diapers changed at night. Sometimes up to three times. There is still no regulation when it comes to bowel movement. They also nurse a lot, so they also need to be changed a lot.
But as your baby gets older, diaper changes at night will get less, and unless they poop, you can even entirely skip them. So the idea is only to change your baby's diaper if it is really necessary.
If you have to change their diaper, ideally, do it before the feeding. If your baby is impatient, you can give one side of the breast/half a bottle, then change, and then continue feeding.
Another great tip is to use a diaper one size larger at night. It will absorb more and keep your baby dry.
Don't Interfere With Baby's Sleep Pattern
Ok, let's talk about the dream feed. Dream feeding is supposed to help your baby sleep for a longer stretch at night. Thereby, you wake them at a specific time and offer them a feed while they sleep or are very sleepy.
However, the truth is that the dream feed doesn't work for most babies. Additionally, waking your baby to feed can sometimes even prevent them from developing their own sleep patterns. If you constantly wake them before they would wake themselves, you are messing with their circadian rhythm.
If you have a newborn, they need to feed every 2-3 hours, so you might need to wake them. But for babies older than 2 months, there is really no need to wake them anymore. Consult your pediatrician if you are unsure if your baby goes too long without feeding. Otherwise, let them sleep and wake whenever their body tells them to.
No Full Feedings
Babies, especially newborns, fall asleep easily when drinking. And when you then lay them back down, they wake and notice…WAIT A SECOND. I AM STILL HUNGRY!
And then you start all over again.
To prevent this from happening, try to give your baby a full feed (but do not overfeed in a desperate attempt to get them to sleep). If you are breastfeeding, offer both sides. You can keep them slightly awake by changing the diaper in the middle of the feed, taking their socks off, or switching positions.
If you have an older baby (4+ months), observe their daytime feedings. At this age, babies become very aware of their surroundings and sometimes forget to eat (I know that sounds really silly). Make sure they have good feeds during the day as well (again, don't overfeed).
Trapped Gas
Sometimes trapped gas can prevent your baby from going back to sleep, especially in the first few months. You usually don't have to burp your baby, but if they have reflux or tummy troubles, it might help to burp them before laying them back down.
Trapped gas in the tummy can also be very uncomfortable. You can do some bicycle legs to help them remove some gas before you feed them.
Day-Night-Confusion
Day-Night confusion is very common for newborn babies. Such young babies cannot differentiate between day and night. In the womb, they get all their cues from their mother, but once outside, their body needs to adjust. It usually takes about 2-3 months until day-night confusion is resolved.
Baby's Temperament
Every baby is born with a temperament. You may have an easy-going baby or a high-need baby. One baby might sleep better in the crib and another next to their mother. Every baby is unique in their traits and personality.
Our job as parents is to honor and respect their personality rather than wanting to change it. Our job is to accept them just the way they are, even if they make parenthood more challenging.
When it comes to baby sleep, temperament is often ignored. Most of the time, sleep training is advertised as THE SOLUTION. But the truth is that sleep training does not work for every baby. Because of their temperament.
So when you look at your baby, think about their personality traits. Is it possible that they need more contact? Then safe co-sleeping might be a solution to try. Is it possible that they are a light sleeper? Then you can try separate rooms. Or maybe they are a low-sleep needs baby. Then less daytime sleep might fix your problem.
So instead of trying to force a standardized method or eliminating every single sleep association, look for solutions that go with your baby's personality.
Consider Sleeping Arrangement
With baby's temperament in mind, it is also reasonable to reconsider your sleeping arrangement. I think most parents don't go into parenthood expecting to co-sleep, but sometimes this works better in the end.
Some parents move their babies to their own room earlier than they initially planned.
There is no right or wrong sleeping arrangement.
Whatever you are thinking about to do about your sleeping arrangement, in the beginning, it is always hard to actually do it. Something makes you keep holding on to the way things are because change is scary. Sometimes it comes with guilt, and sometimes with worries that your baby will never sleep by themselves.
But you will never know without trying. Baby's sleep preferences might change multiple times in the first 4-5 years. We changed our sleeping arrangements 3 times. So you will just have to give it a go and try it out!
Light Sleeper Baby
I know this may be tough to hear, but you may have a light sleeper on your hands. If your little one wakes easily at noises or light, if they always wake when you move, then they might be a light sleeper.
To prevent your baby from waking after a feed, you can wait until they have switched from light sleep to deep sleep. You can check that quickly by slightly lifting and dropping their hand. If it appears weightless, then they are in deep sleep.
Parental Stress And Frustration
This is a topic that often doesn't get addressed when it comes to baby sleep. However, research shows that babies' stress levels can be influenced by their parent's stress levels.
Sometimes it is hard going into the night already knowing what is going to happen. Sometimes it is ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT. Even if your baby would fall back to sleep, at this point, you just already expect that your baby won't fall back to sleep. And those thoughts can create the reality.
Some babies are susceptible to their parent's frustration, and it might prevent them from going back to sleep.
I know it is not easy to just not stress about a baby that won't sleep, but remind yourself that you are always in control of your thoughts. You need to actively fight your frustration and negative thoughts. It will take a lot of practice, but if you try over and over, it will not only make nighttime parenting easier, but it can change your whole experience of parenthood.
Shift Sleep Associations
Independent sleep is a topic that probably every parent has been confronted with since their very first baby sleep problem.
I believe there is a right and wrong time to address independent sleep. If you have a newborn baby, then it's definitely not time. If you have a baby older than one or a toddler, then why not? Young babies are not meant to sleep or fall asleep alone. So whatever sleep consultant tells you to stop so-called bad sleep associations with a 4-month-old, I am telling you to RUN!
What you can, however, always do is start with healthy sleep habits. Create a sleep-inducing environment, have a bedtime routine to help your baby prepare for sleep, and a daily routine to create stability for your baby.
And when the right time comes, you can also start to shift sleep associations. For example, if your baby only falls asleep on the breast or when being rocked, you can slowly replace these associations with new ones, like shushing and patting.
If your baby is really taking a long time to fall asleep after feedings, then there is probably more going on than a sleep association.
Nevertheless, you can start to reduce your help over time to pave the way for future independent sleep.
